Succeeding in Heartbreak

I will not shed cliche tears,
Instead
I will try mixing different proportions of milk, cream, coffee, chocolate and cinnamon too
I will cook, prepare my own meals, not spend a dime on eating out;

I will not reminisce about the past
Instead
I will dip my hands in paint, doodle the loneliness away;

I will not eat ice cream and watch friends or a silly rom-com.
Instead
I will watch the ‘Schindler’s list’, ‘A beautiful Mind’ and ‘Fight Club’ maybe
And more, which they say one must;
We could talk about movies then, long conversations
And not the ones which go like:
You : “Hi, have you seen the Perks of being a Wallflower?”
Me: “Yes I have. I really liked that movie.”
”You: “So did I.
Me: “Hmm.”
You: “Hmm.”
I won’t check my phone for text messages. Let them pile up;
A large number will increase the probability of one being from you,
I will not use my phone much; Only when mom calls.

I won’t get drunk and rant my mess away
Instead
I quit drinking; it’s been a month already.
I plan on not drinking for a long time now,
But maybe celebrate the day you return with champagne. Or vodka.
Champagne is pricey.

I will write to you,
I’ll write often;
Instead
I will work on my book:
I’ll mention you in the acknowledgements
Like I promised.
When you come back, we will have a lot to talk about;
When you come back, I will have a lot of stories to tell;
I hope you do too;

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Write love on your arms

For my unborn daughter

  1. Reach out to the sky. Put your hands on your neck and feel yourself throbbing. Rhythmically. Layers of stars like translucent blankets over blankets. Live for it.
  2. Dip your fingers in paint. Smudge the walls. Paint a rainbow, bask in its glow.
  3. Buy an expensive perfume. Fall in love with your scent.
  4. Rummage through your vanity. Wear the wine red lipstick you’ve always wanted to.
  5. Draw a bath. Pour bubblebath. Light some candles. Pamper yourself. You deserve it.
  6. Dye your hair a crazy color. Better yet, chop it off. It’ll always grow back.
  7. Call your mother. Tell her you love her. She loves you too.

Smudges of ink and mud.

The wind whispers secrets from across the oceans. Percolating to my roots,

A lover’s spat, giggling teens, a war and squeaky babies,

Casual banter, alcohol, hash, I’ve seen them fighting with shadows,

Convincing they’re worth following;

Hands clutching bottle mouths like edges of stars,

Sunshine, teeth, comets and blood;

Dew drops, acid, tears and sweat,

I’m not meant for salt, his least favorite word is pansy, he doesn’t mind gay,

Hers is almost;

Poetry, prose, fiction, honey, butterflies and scissors,

Axe, dogs and men and trampled upon, spattered;

With mud and paint, I’ve known it all;

Jumbled thoughts, I hide behind metaphors,

Music, beats and rhythmic sobs.

What you lose when you say Goodbye

Orange trucks,memories,piggy back rides,
Mid day texts and smiley faces,green snap backs,
7 year olds, curly hair and white dresses,
Hands intertwine in a zipper of prayer, purple balloons,
Wine, a friend, a lover, family;
Blue umbrellas and words of encouragement, sling bags and doodles;
I down bottles pretending their mouth is someone else’s, success at heartbreak,my eyes are raisins;
tea, almonds and cakes,
Fluttery lashes,bracelets,knuckles, and grey skies
Million kisses on the nose, teardrops, sweat and blood;
Caress, touch, breath, dew, pumpkins and fall
turquoise sky, second chances and love;